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Bible Babe Can Still Get Laid

Q: Dear Mr. Wilcox, my wife of 10 years, has recently become a born again Christian, and now feels that sex is a sin, only to be performed in order to procreate. She also thinks that it is something very disgusting and dirty, that shouldn’t be enjoyed.

Bible Babe Can Still Get LaidShe’s a totally hot fox, a 12 on a scale of 10, and we always had an amazing sex life until her recent religious conversion. What can I do? Should I give up and leave her?

Help Me,
Bible Bound and Blue-balled!

A: Blue,

Have no fear, Woody’s here. Hey my friend, believe it or not, I’ve run into this very same scenario on several occasions, and I promise you, that each and every time, it has always worked out just splendidly. Look, here’s the thing. Your wife probably has the best of intentions. She’s come to the conclusion that there must be something deeper and more real behind this short, shallow, and apparently meaningless and unfair physical existence that we eek out here on Earth, and has concluded that Biblical Christianity is the answer.

Play Safe

No problem. You’re lucky, because, as your wife begins to actually read her Bible, which she obviously hasn’t gotten around to doing yet, she will soon see that, The “Good Book” truly has a very profound appreciation for and absolute support of a good, active, and sensuous sex life, between a man and his wife. There’s even some very erotic poetry, and tips about seduction, written right within the pages of this “Holy Book,” that would totally blow your mind and put some modern day pulp porno to shame.

This is going to sound crazy, but your salvation from this momentary hell, is to not only agree that she “should” read her Bible, but to agree to read it with her. The trick is; you need a little helper called a “Concordance.” This is a book, much like a search engine on the internet, that helps you find all the places in the Bible that discuss certain subjects. Look up words like sex, marriage, and love, and read ahead, taking notes. Now read these sections to her, with her and low and behold, it’s the very “Word of the Lord,” telling her that it is her DUTY to willingly give it up on a regular basis, and enjoy it! That to withhold her body from her husband is actually considered a sin, an abhorrent stain against the sacred and sensuous covenant of marriage.

Believe me, I‘ve known several guys who’ve gone through this same situation, and once the wife “REALLY” reads for herself, that according to God’s will, sex with hubby is supposed to happen often, and with great vigor, she will soon open right up again and be that veritable sex machine and you fell in love with, just like in the old days. Trust me, I’ve never seen this plan fail! So go read between her lines and get laid tonight.

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